The Modern Santa
©By Grady L. Duncan

Santa has retired his reindeer!
They could not long pull that sleigh.
So, now he drives a “Humvee”,
playing his stereo all the way.

His elves now deliver the presents,
while he waits behind the wheel,
with Mrs. Claus seated by his side,
making out our Christmas bills.

She took over the money department,
because Santa had it in a terrible mess,
and he was called for an audit,
by that dreaded IRS.

Now she records the mileage,
and figures in wear and tear,
and adds in fuel adjustment cost,
since Humvees don’t run on air.

Kids say; “What!--You must be kidding.
I thought they were all for free!”
“I wouldn’t have left him milk and cookies,
if I knew that’s the way it would be.”

Well, I guess it's time to retire him.
He’s been at it way too long.
Now he’s is getting senile,
and keeps getting things all wrong.

Besides, he’s too expensive,
and no longer gives from the heart.
I guess from now on kids,
Christmas will come from Wal-Mart.
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